Life Purpose
15 August 2022Are your relationships keeping you from finding your purpose?
by Gloria Battini
First of all, what is purpose and why is it so important?
We are all born with innate gifts, living your purpose is about finding your unique way to feel connected and contribute to the world through the use of said gifts. When you achieve that, life becomes effortless, fulfilling, abundant and purposeful in a way that is unique to you.
Now imagine: what would happen if everyone on earth lived their purpose? We would have a very different reality, wouldn’t we?
So, if everyone is born with their unique gifts, how come we don’t ALL live our purpose? What’s happening that is stopping us from even finding out what our innate gifts are?
The amazing Tony Robbins always says “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships”. That’s so true, isn’t it? Think about it. We have relationships with others, and with ourselves, from the moment we are born. The quality of these relationships influences us from day 1, contributing not only to the idea we form of the world but also to how we perceive ourselves and our inner world.
Before we dig into that though, let’s start from the beginning. What even is an unhealthy relationship?
Defining Unhealthy Relationships
We can define as “unhealthy” all relationships that are characterised by ongoing patterns and behaviours such as lack of boundaries, imbalance of power, lack of communication, lack of mutual respect, psychological, physical, emotional and verbal abuse, dishonesty, just to name a few.
This is how I see it though, my personal definition of an unhealthy relationship is: any relationship that doesn’t empower you to fully be yourself. Simple. If you can’t be yourself around that person (whether they are your family, your partner, a friend or maybe even your boss) then it can’t be healthy.
Here’s how it works: when you are born, you come into this world completely whole, fearless, non-judgemental, confident, you name it. On day 1 there isn’t a lack of anything within you. Then what happens is that in order to survive you must learn things. And I’m not only talking about learning to speak, walk, read, cook etc – you also learn what is good and bad, what is acceptable and unacceptable. What makes you a good person and what doesn’t. And this is where it gets tricky.
What you learn about what’s good and bad comes from a lot of different things: the beliefs of the people that you learn from (at that age is likely to be your parents, teachers, family, caretakers), your environment and, as you grow a little older, the social groups you are part of. And let’s not forget the media, shall we?
Do you have to agree 100% with everything you learn? Of course not, but you don’t know that when you’re 5. So what happens is that you learn it and then in your adult life, if it doesn’t resonate with your inner calling, you start to question it. This is why a lot of people start healing journeys around their 30s, because up until then they thought what they learned was the absolute truth but they experience a discrepancy between what they thought was true and what their soul is telling them. Some ignore it, some decide to dig deep.
What does this have to do with unhealthy relationships and finding your truth? A lot. Let’s see why.
Unhealthy relationship dynamics that are keeping you from finding your truth (and little personal story)
It is true that what you learn in childhood will form the foundation of how you live your life. What is also true, is that within each and everyone of us there is a soul that doesn’t give a crap about what you learned and wants you to just be your most authentic (aka live your purpose).
The extent to which you are able to connect, hear the messages of and accept your soul’s truth is highly influenced by your relationships.
If you grow up in an environment where every attempt you make at letting that soul’s truth come through is met with shame and bullying day after day, you are likely to get disconnected from that truth and live your life thinking that you are the one in the wrong. The bullying doesn’t even have to happen to you directly! It can be directed at someone else doing/being something you’d love to do as well, but if they are made to feel ashamed the result is that you will run far away from ever showing that side of yourself to anyone (and therefore not living your truth).
It’s not only bullying though. Think of a lack of boundaries for example, that can create shame and discomfort too. I remember when I was a teenager my mum secretly going through my backpack and finding a pack of condoms (I was with my very first boyfriend at the time). She decided to confront me the day after while we were in the car. She told me off and made me feel really ashamed for having sex, I also remember feeling trapped because I didn’t have a way out of that conversation, I was literally in a moving car. Even though I externalised the fact that I didn’t appreciate her going through my private stuff she said that she had the right to do so because: 1. She was mum (note: being someone’s mother doesn’t make you immune from respecting their privacy) and 2. I was doing something bad so it’s good that I got caught.
If you ask me though, I thought I was doing something very responsible. I was exploring my body and my sexuality with my boyfriend at the time (which is a natural thing to do) and I was using protection. The way I was confronted about it though (which was dictated by mum’s cultural and environmental beliefs) made me feel ashamed, dirty and led me to have a problematic and shameful relationship with sex that has stopped me from accepting my sensuality as well as having unhealthy boundaries with a future partner for several years.
Think about growing up in an environment where lying is considered acceptable, what would that teach you about following your own truth?
Not to mention physical, emotional, psychological and verbal abuse.
All these dynamics and behaviours, in the long run, cause you to doubt yourself, to feel ashamed of yourself and even disconnect from yourself. These dynamics are deeply conditioning the way you see yourself and the world and are making you think that that’s the absolute truth, that you are not meant for a purposeful life, that happiness is not something that everyone experiences and that for you “it’s just not going to happen”.
Thankfully, that’s not the truth. There is another way.
What you have learned from those relationships throughout your life is the foundation of what you think your relationships (and life in general) should be based on when you are an adult.
It’s a dangerous cycle that you must break if you want to truly live your purpose, connect with your soul and discover your gifts.
Breaking the cycle and living your purpose
The amazing thing about the soul is that it’s always with you, as long as you are here, present in this body, your soul is here too. Imagine it as a flame, or a bright light in the middle of your chest. It represents your truth. If you let it guide you, it will illuminate your gifts and show you the path to living your true purpose.
This light is always on. Even when you are surrounded by people who don’t have boundaries or don’t respect yours. Even when you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner. Surrounded by people who are lying to you? Your soul is still there, shining. Someone is gaslighting you? Making you feel worthless and unloved? Your soul is still there.
You possess your gifts no matter what. What is happening is that the influence these relationships are having on you are making it impossible for you to see them. They have created a disconnection that only you can re-ignite.
There are many ways in which you can reconnect to your soul and let it guide you. So many more people are waking up to their own purpose that the world is starting to be populated by people who are sharing their innate gifts and helping others find their own truth. Because there isn’t a “one size fits all”, because your journey is uniquely yours and you get to choose how to walk it.
As someone who was bullied in childhood, struggled with high functioning anxiety, OCD and spent 15 years of her life in a toxic relationship with a man with narcissistic tendencies, trust me when I say that I had a lot of “breaking the cycle” to do. But I did it, and now I help other women do it too. It is 100% possible to create a completely different life experience for yourself and, if you don’t know your gifts and are not connected to our purpose, it’s also 100% your responsibility to yourself to go on that journey and find out, nobody’s coming to do it for you.
I’ve tried a lot of things, some of them didn’t work and it’s actually a good thing. They got me closer to the things that did work. A note here: never, ever, underestimate something that doesn’t go as you hope, there’s always a lesson there that, if you take time to look for it, will propel you forward in ways you haven’t even imagined. Let yourself be in awe of your so-called “failures” (I hate that word!), they aren’t failures at all.
Before I tell you all the things that worked, I must share that the one thing that changed everything, the true catalyst for a new life was one simple decision: make time for myself. I know this might sound “obvious” to some of you or maybe even impossible to achieve for others. Let me tell you this: it’s not about having time and it’s not about WHAT you make time for. It’s about deciding to make time for you.
When I was at the deep end of that very toxic relationship I had a completely distorted perception of reality and of myself, I was also drowning in anxiety and OCD. I couldn’t even think of working with anyone (coach/therapist/personal trainer, you name it). I was ashamed, felt guilty and was completely oblivious to my reality: I actually thought that everything I was experiencing was normal. So when I decided to make time for myself what resonated with me was to switch from taking the underground to the bus for my commute to work and use that extra 20 mins a day to read a book. That’s it. That one decision completely changed my life.
Reading was something I loved doing since childhood and it was the link between myself and my soul. The more books I read the stronger the connection became. Until I was ready to start working with a professional, I chose a Life Coach.
So here’s what worked for me:
✨Making time for myself every day to do something with the sole purpose of bringing me joy (for me it was reading books);
✨Working with a life coach for my anxiety and OCD, it ended up changing my life in ways I never thought were possible;
✨Really getting to know myself and accepting all of me (even the bits I hated);
✨Learning to say No, without guilt;
✨Meditation, journaling and working with the energy of the Moon;
✨Yoga;
✨Gratitude, learning to be grateful for and appreciate even the things that hurt the most;
✨Oracle cards and daily connection to spirit;
✨Saying (and doing) the uncomfortable things;
✨Affirmations;
✨Talking to my inner child and giving myself the biggest hugs (literally holding myself in my arms while letting the tears flow);
✨Working with different coaches to help me through different stages of my healing journey;
✨Learning to accept love through recognising my inner critic and the hateful part of me and redirecting those thoughts every time they surfaced;
✨Connect to my body and learn to listen to its messages;
✨Letting go of certain relationships in my life and creating new ones;
✨Tackling all 39 of my daily OCDs one by one until they were all gone (it took two years);
…And so much more.
Not everything will work for you and this list is not all that’s available out there. The beauty of this is that you get to build your journey the way that it works for you. It doesn’t have to make sense to anybody else, what’s important is that you do it, for you.
If you feel trapped right now, turn inward and search for that light, it’s always there, even if it’s hard to see. Keep looking. Each decision you make to put yourself first and look for the light will automatically make the light bigger and brighter.
Look around you and then within you, you already know what needs to be done ❤️
I hope this brings you hope, knowledge and inspiration. You deserve to live your purpose my beautiful soul, you deserve to meet yourself.
Love,
Gloria xx
Gloria is a certified Life and Personal Performance Coach (ICF), Narcissistic Abuse Survivor and has also fully recovered from OCD. She helps women come home to themselves by healing from the aftermath of toxic relationships, overcoming anxiety, setting healthy boundaries and re-establishing a deep connection to their soul. Her unique method combines Coaching, Astrology and Moonology
While Coaching is the main tool she uses, each session is infused with intuitive wisdom, a close look at your personal astrology, the use of oracle cards and different visualisation and meditation techniques, it’s very unique to each person. In her sessions, she also often includes “mini trainings” on how the brain works. Gloria believes that knowledge is power and very often the mere understanding of why your brain is doing what it’s doing helps you be in control of your mind and thoughts.
Working with Gloria you will learn how to reprogram your brain and get rid of the limitations that have led your life up until this moment as well as how to use those powerful and invisible energies that are abundantly available to us. This allows you to create an effortless life because you’re leading in a way that is most natural to your soul.
If you feel called to explore this further or you have questions, get in touch through the contact form below or book a free 30 mins consultation.
